Suitcase of Memories

Dude. My dad stepped on my glasses this morning. Even as I type right now I am constantly readjusting my frames so that my one-legged babies can readjust to their current crippled status. I didn't mean to fall asleep last night with them on...I just remember watching Futurama, and then all of a sudden it was morning. I wonder though.....I have been asking my parents for some new frames....and I have gotten tired of these ones.....in fact, I am thinking about switching to contacts....was this an indirect ploy by my subconscious, a scheduled plan by the ID inside of me to get rid of the old and bring in the new???? I wonder...

All I know is that I can't drive without glasses, so I need to come with the a solution. ASAP.

My family visited with my great aunts and uncles yesterday after church. Other than the fact that I was the one that had to drive all the way to Grayson, Ga, it was a lot better than I expected. I remember when I was younger, like in my early teens, I would always grimace when we had to go call on older relatives. I think it was because I was caught in the awkward age where you were too old to get money just for looking cute but too young to get advice on life or other stuff. I basically felt like it was a stare-down match between people who were too old to understand me and too old to care. I guess since I am getting older and maturer, I can only be happy that my eyes are being opened more and more to what a blessing family is. When we were there, although I did not get to talk that much with my aunts and uncles (I actually napped a little bit), it was the atmosphere of family ties that really got me. I loved sitting there, listening to my 82-year-old aunt talk about life, love, and her aspirations of marriage (since she has never been married). I loved listening to my uncle talk about his old church in New York, and how it was pastoring for so many years. I even loved when they made us grandchildren stand up there like the von Trapp family singers, singing "Oh Lord, How Excellent". But my favorite, favorite part of the evening was when everyone gathered around in my uncle's family room and sang "I Love You Lord/Sweet Holy Spirit". I loved how there were so many generations of one family in one room, singing praises to the Lord. It seemed as though the minor grievances that were ever an issue weren't even important because blood IS thicker than water. It was beautiful, and I hope I can remember that moment forever.

As I get older and look back on all of the time that I wasted trying to be older, trying to have more responsibility, just trying to lose time, I realize that life is so much better when it's taken one day at a time. So that's what I'm going to do. Starting now. Well, maybe tomorrow.

I read "For One More Day" by Mitch Albom in basically one sitting yesterday. This is a good book to read to if you don't understand what I am talking about when I say "carpe diem". In fact, that book is required reading for anyone that reads this post. Haha, suckered you into that one. Let me know how you like it.


*Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth.*
~Mark Twain

Running too Far Ahead

I realize that I am very paranoid about sharing things, especially on the Internet. I think this is a valid concern, but sometimes I feel hindered in my blogging, especially on this blog. I have a lot of feelings, and sometimes I wish that I could just type them without worrying that someone is going to take what I've written and run away with it. I am afraid to feel vulnerable about the one thing that I know that I can truly call my own. This is why I don't post my poems on this blog (or any blogs, for that matter). MY ultimate fear is that I post my poetry and one day I will see it on someone else's site, and that person is taking all of the credit for my life story. The very thought of this possibility really irks me......I mean really irks me.

And yet, I still feel the need to vent. I still want to share what I want to share without worrying about how someone will use the things that I say. I just want to say things without thinking that I am not making any sense or worse, that I am making too much sense.

But I guess that's why God gave us tongues. I think I shall go vent to one of my unwilling sisters.

*2 AM and I'm still awake writing this song
If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me
Threatening the life it belongs to.
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary screamin' out aloud
And I know that you'll use them however you want to...*
~Anna Nalick, "Breathe (2am)"

Confusion is Nothing New

So. Camp Wannaklot. Fricking awesome. I kind of hate to talk about it right now because I am still pretty teary about it. But definitely, DEFINITELY this was one of those experiences that I am going to carry with me for the rest of my life. I have definitely decided that if I am in the country next year this time around next year, I am going to do it. And if anyone else is in the country and they are over the age of 18, they should too. Period. No excuses.

So...very interesting, this feeling in my heart, in my soul....I wonder if my mind and my heart are currently at peace. I think everything can and will be resolved if I read my Bible. Yup, that's what I'm going to do.

I had a great talk with two of my fellow counselors on one of the days of camp. We were talking about biblical courtship and the un-necessity (new word, like it?) of dating around because of the consequences, etc. It's always nice to talk to Christians--I mean people who honestly seek after God--because if your heart is honestly seeking after the Lord, you can almost always recognize the kindred spirit of another Christ-Seeker. I think that is awesome. This is the quote the surfaced in our empowering talk:

*A woman's heart should be so close to God that a man must seek Him to find her.*

True....true.

I think I'm going to get some ice cream.



p.s. I think I used the word "seek" at least 5 times in this post. Rock on, Tams, ROCK ON.

Note to Self

I have decided what my wedding song is going to be. I hope my husband is OK if we play "Time after Time" at our reception. I have been thinking about what song was going to play, but I now know. Thank you, VH1's "100 Greatest Songs of the 80's".

Word of God Speak

You can not tell me that my God is not real. A man who has never seen a sunrise, who has never heard a bird sing, who has never witnessed via the carnal senses the glory of the Lord.....this man still has felt the presence of the Lord. Leonard still knows the power of our God and he knows the power of his wonderful name........what kind of love is this? Thank you, Jesus.

Fingerprints of God

It has been a while since I have blogged. Instead of wasting time talking about how much I missed it, I won't.

Run, thoughts, run.

I have been having a grand old time for the past couple of weeks. I hate the new "Weakest Link"....the host is so obnoxious. And not funny. I am kind of excited about getting to vote in the upcoming election. It feels great to let my voice be heard.

I really liked Philadelphia. It was so refreshing to be in a place of hundreds of other Christians who were my age, just praising and worshiping the Lord. I loved it because being there helped me to remember that God does know my name, and he does have a specific plan just for my life....

I am starting to care more and more about those who have never heard the name of Jesus/have no idea of Its significance. I guess this makes sense since I am a Christian and everything, but I think I am starting to get to the point where I kind of just want to get out there and do something. Seriously. Someone once told me a long time ago that I was going to be an activist when I got older. I didn't believe them till today. Go figure.

I have my driving test on Thursday. I am curious to see how I am going to do. I am honestly kind of freaking out .....I don't want to fail. I know that's a horrible way of thinking, but that's kind of where I am right now. I don't think I will. Gah.

I would hate to be a child star. It's kind of a lose-lose situation. If you are doing drugs/rehab (Lohan), then it's kind of expected of you. If you are doing something good like running a Christian TV show (Kirk Cameron), you are looked upon as a religious freak. This world is just so twisted.

1 John is a good book.

Sometimes I wish there was some sort of tap that I could turn whenever I wanted to pour out my thoughts without feeling like I left some thoughts behind. Alas, this is never the case.

Flee, fight, follow, and be faithful. Always.

Pray for the Kenya missions team!