I don't want to go

to Vacation Bible School.

For purely selfish reasons, of course. I did not volunteer for VBS for the first time this year since like 2000, because my mom was always either the head of it or one of the heads. I was the one who headed the puppet ministry. I was the one who stuck my hand up puppet's butts, year after year, making children laugh at the expense of my goofy voice. Well this year is a whole nother ballgame. I just found out yesterday that the person that I worked with last year is going to do the puppet show this year. Without me. I am not mad at that person, of course. If anything, I am mad at myself. Why didn't I wake up earlier for the volunteer orientation? Oh well, these things are meant to happen like this, I suppose. I guess when I walk in there today I won't be mad. Actually, writing this has helped me not to be mad. Bring on the puppets!


Sometimes it is painful to be so flirtatious. But I am learning. My whole family had a really good talk last night at my aunt's house about religion and things. Sometimes I forget how many God-filled people I am surrounded by. They are so awesome.

I always think that I am over someone, but then something happens that makes me remember about the person and how awesome they are, or how much they hurt me. I wish sometimes that I didn't write so much about what I am thinking, because going back to read the stuff makes the hurt resurface as though it never left. Which I realize means that I never let it go in the first place.... Reggie preached about the restoration that we sometimes need to give people who are hurting. He was talking about the fact that so many people are discouraged from going to church because a lot of times those in the church condemn them for their past mistakes. When I left the church building I kept thinking about the different people that I have written off as lost causes for various sins. What was funny was that it was really hard for me to think about restoring the people that have hurt me. I am learning that I take things extremely personally. This is not a very healthy thing to do.

*sigh*

My birthday was great.

So I was watching Animal Planet last night (AP has become one of my favorite channels to watch), and there was a special on about octopuses and one of the commentators was a wildlife journalist. A lightbulb went off in my head and I have now made it my future aspiration to be a wildlife journalist. Let's hear it!!!

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you will be a mile away. And you'll have their shoes." ~I forgot

I didn't even get to say goodbye

And here it is.

I swear I wasn't ready. I just turned around and it was here.

I didn't mean to leave it so soon.

I would have stopped myself if I had thought about it.

I have so much more to say.

I have so much more to think about.

Mull about.

Complain about.

Worry about.

Why didn't it stop me before I left?

Is this caring a one-way street?

Am I the only one that cares that I'm gone?


Yeah. My birthday is here. I kind of feel like I am the only one who is thinking about yesterday. Is that normal? I really think that I can't stop. I kind of feel like I am riding on a bicycle that's going downhill towards an abyss that I never wanted to experience in the first place. It's weird because now it's here there is nothing I wouldn't give to go back to yesterday. To prevent this post from sounding like a Beatles song, I end with a happy birthday to me.

~

Tired of being tired

One thing I have begun to wonder is if I will ever get that feeling that I am doing it right.

Creature of the Night

Look at me. Actually, you can't. If you could, you wouldn't be reading this blog. I am up for the umpteenth night in a row at an ungodly hour. And once again, I don't feel sleepy. You see, my downfall is taking naps at 7, 8:00 in the evening and then feeling "refreshed" for many hours more. Dude. Not cool.

I have declared to my aunt the temporary status of a nun. I think this is necessary...and I am not mad about it. I actually had a good talk with her on Saturday. She told me about how she met her husband (at a Campus Crusade for Christ summer conference) and how God kept putting them in the right place at the right time. He lived in California, and she lived in Georgia, but they still courted across the country via letters (actual snail mail) after that summer. They only saw each other once again before he proposed the following summer, and then they were married the summer after that. 15 years and 5 children later, Auntie Sharon has now become my source of inspiration. All of this time that I am sitting here worrying about how things should occur, I realize that God just wants me to fall more and more in love with Him. Who would have thought? Man, I am not even going to pretend that this is going to be easy (after all, players gotta play), but I am surrendering this to God, now.

You can call me Mother Superior Herculaneum. I think it has a nice ring to it.



So apparently this is what I would look like if I fell into a vat of artificially colored blueberries. Tell the Blue Man group to watch out...TamTam is a new force to be reckoned with.

I still don't know what I am doing for my birthday.



"It never rains when you want it to." ~Norah Jones

Truth Spoke in Whispers

I love Norah Jones. Ever since I first heard "Don't Know Why" on the radio she became one of my favorite artists. I have all of her CDs and I can listen to them on repeat anytime, anywhere, and often. She is so soothing. She always reminds me of summer days right after the rain, within twilight, right before the fireflies come out. This has always been the best time of the day in my opinion. It always makes me think about the day that just ended, and the night that is just beginning...





"Humble Me" is my favorite song by Norah. I still don't completely understand the words, but there is something about it that makes me sit back and just breathe, every time I hear it. I think the song is about her dealing with finding closure after tough times (with her ex-spouse, in this case). I think its about dealing with people that you have to cut out of your life even though you don't hate them. I think the song is about caring in spite of the past hurts. I think the song is about loving people despite what they have done to you, just as Jesus loved us. I think the song is about learning to live in the humility of salvation, even past self-destructive relationships.

You know, this song had more to do with me than I thought.

Here are the lyrics...whenever I hear them I get chills.

Went out on a limb
Gone too far
Broken down at the side of the road
Stranded at the outskirts and sun's creepin' up

Baby's in the backseat
Still fast asleep
Dreamin' of better days
I don't want to call you but you're all I have to turn to

What do you say
When it's all gone away?
Baby I didn't mean to hurt you
Truth spoke in whispers will tear you apart,
No matter how hard you resist it
It never rains when you want it to

You humble me Lord
Humble me Lord
I'm on my knees empty
You humble me Lord
You humble me Lord
Please, please, please forgive me

Baby Teresa got your eyes
I see you all the time
When she asks about her daddy
I never know what to say

Heard you kicked the bottle
And helped to build the church
You carry an honest wage
Is it true you have someone keeping you company?

What do you say
When it's all gone away?
Baby I didn't mean to hurt you
Truth spoke in whispers will tear you apart
No matter how hard you resist it
It never rains when you want it to

You humble me Lord
Humble me Lord
I'm on my knees empty
You humble me Lord
You humble me Lord
Please, please, please forgive me

Yeah...I definitely understand the song now....

~