Jane: Someone once told me that cereal is one of the unhealthiest things to eat as a dessert, and I almost cried....

....from laughing.

Actually....

Tamara: Whenever you say "actually"...
J: Uh-uh.
T: Uh-uh?
J: Uh-uh.
T: Why are you saying uh-uh?
J: Because you asked me if I have ever seen "Actually"
T: I SAID whenever you say "Actually".
J: Oh....well, whenever I say "actually"?
T: Well, whenever you say "actually" I always think it's going to be something good. But that time it wasn't. That was pretty lame.
.....
T: Actually, I don't know why I said that just now.

[silence, then crazed, early morning, deluded laughter]

Murder Myra the Killer Care Bear

She'll smother you with love and a pillow.

Oh Leronia, how I miss you so.

I have an Inorganic Lab due in 3 1/2 hours. And I am blogging. Tsk tsk. I just have a lot on my chest.

I wish that I had had a strong support system last year, in my freshman year. I know that I had a lot of party friends, friends that I thought I could have come to in a clutch, and the fact is that I did. But I guess I always thought that if you were popular that meant that you were secure. That someone always had your back. How I was so wrong. I guess I sometimes look at my residents and wish that I had had that chemistry that they have with my hall last year--its so beneficial in the long run. I guess I wish I could have someone to run to and cry with without feeling like I was imposing. I thank God that he sent me people like that who did not necessarily live in my dorm, but I just wonder sometimes what life would have been like if I lived in a place like that my freshman year...if I would have been hurt as often...if I would have hurt others as often....if I would have made as many mistakes as I did. I do not regret....I just wonder.

I am learning love. Love is not something you do, I am realizing. It is something you are. Does that make sense? Sometimes I realize how selfish this thing that I have been calling love is, and it just makes me mad/sad/confused, because I always had in the back of my mind that love is ultimately looking out for number 1. Not so, Mister Chips. I have always thought that eventually if I "love" enough I will make enough connections that the world would not be so cruel. If I smiled enough, I would have more favors. If I joked around enough I would not have to face any more pain. If I just lived in service of others eventually I would enough people who wanted to live for me...and I would be golden. I don't know how to explain that more, I guess I just kind of thought that I would get to the point where I reaped the benefits of love.

I was so wrong.

I don't know how to love. I am weak and a selfish child. I have wanted everything for myself up until now. I wanted the benefits of a task that I wasn't doing right in the first place.

GOD is LOVE.

Why can't I understand that? Why am I having such a hard time realizing that it is not about me?

I am so fallible. I am so dirty. But God still loves me.

God STILL loves me.

Oh.....how much I want to be like Him.

I don't really know how to end this post so...yeah.

"For I am wounded
And unworthy
I am selfish
and untrue
But you are holy
You're the Healer
You forgave me
and made me new."
~Audio Adrenaline

When you distance yourself from a situation that you were never comfortable with in the first place, only then will you realize that you never needed it.

Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

This is a song/speech from the man that wrote and directed Moulin Rouge, Baz Luhrmann. I was really touched by it...I hope you will be too.

~~~~

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
Wear Sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering experience…
I will dispense this advice, now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth;
oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself, and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….
You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind;
the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy;
sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind; the race is long,
and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults;
if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…
the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives,
some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t,
maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t,
maybe you’ll divorce at 40,
maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…
what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much
or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance,
so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can,
don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it,
it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own..

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings, their your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get,
the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard;
live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander,
you too will get old and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young
prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse;
but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal,
wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…


~~~

Preach on the Housetops...

"Whatever I tell you in the dark, speak in the light; and what you hear in the ear, preach on the housetops. And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of the falls to the ground apart from your Father's will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows."

~Matthew 10:27-31