Because the Sun Never Sets

I
CAN'T
SEE.

Right now I am typing with oh-so-attractive cardboard shades that they give you at the eye doctor. This is because my pupils are roughly the size of beach balls, and they will be this size for at least another three hours. On a side note I wonder, why is it that we always say "eye doctor" and not optometrist, or the other word that I can't remember? Seriously, no one ever says that. It's like we are all 5 or something. But I digress. Well, considering that I broke my glasses beyond repair about a month ago, I decided it was time to do something about that. It's not like I was upset about going to the doctor, though....going there is usually like Christmas, except there was no food or pine tree involved, and it only happens every two years. So maybe it's like the Olympics, then. Whatever.

I don't know what was wrong with me today. Usually I get goosebumps over the excitement of people sticking things in my eyes, but today I was sooooo OFF. The nurse-lady person was getting a little fed up with me because the part where they blow a puff of air into my eye had to be done about five times. My eyes had a mind of their own....for some reason they did not want to have a sudden rush of air thrust in their direction. I mean, who could blame them? Well after that fiasco I make my way to the other room (btw, there are a lot of rooms in a eye doctor's office, let me tell you) and the doctor is sitting there, ready to ask me the "1? or 2?" question? If you don't know what I'm talking about, you sit in a high chair and the doctor fits a ginormous black thing to your face....it has around 200 lenses on it and it is magic. I swear it is. All the doctor does is ask which looks better between 1 or 2, 3 or 4, 5 or 6, and then presto, you have a formula for the perfect glasses. Then you step down, go to the front, choose your frames, wham bam, see you next week.

Or so I thought.

I was sitting in the doctor's chair for longer than usual, I noticed. At first I thought it was punishment for giving the nurse-lady person a hard time, which was understandable, served her right, no regrets. But I found in just a little while that it was actually because I have cataracts. Yup, that's right. And since I am prone to divulging all of my medical issues on this blog (anemia, anyone?), I figured I should tell you all. apparently I have had them since i was born. Since they have been subtly there my whole life the doctor said it probably would not get much worse, so no Ray Charles incident here. Although I wouldn't mind being mad good at the piano....dang it.

OK, that was alright, I really did not care that much about the fact that my lenses are a little cloudy. The thing that ticked me off the is the best part of the appointment, the most important part, the result of which would be what I have to live with for at least another year--the procedure of actually choosing frames was RUSHED. RUSHED, I tell you. Why, you ask? Because the doctor decided to drown my already stubborn eyes with stinging dilating solution. I think that was my actual punishment, because he did it THREE times. I think the last time was out of mean spirits, jerk. Once he did that I only had around 5 minutes to choose a frame because if I did not make it back to the room in time my eyes would have probably either spontaneously combusted or turned into two pumpkins. Because of this I randomly chose two frames that did not look completely hideous, paid the nurse-lady person (who was rushing me the whole time), went back and stared at more bright lights, and finally walked out with the aforementioned sexy cardboard shades.

All in all, not a horrible trip. Now I am just waiting for my pupils to become a little bit smaller than two grapefruits. Until then I will be working on the whole piano prodigy thing. I'll let you know how that goes.

Ray Charles ain't got nothing on me.



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