Fashion Shows, and Why I Suck at Them

I have decided that I am not and never will be a good judge of fashion. Shows such as Project Runway have proven this to me. These shows, therefore, will never pique my interest. Not because I am a tomboy or anything....I used to be, but I have become more girlie as the years go on. And it's not because I don't enjoy watching a bunch of gay guys and girls have cat fights with each other--I mean, who doesn't? Maybe it's because I think that anything the aspiring designers design is quite literally the fugliest thing that could have ever been created, and it boggles my mind when "experts" state otherwise.

You see, when I watch another show like American Idol, I can hear if the person is off-key or not. On America's Next Top Model, I can see if it's a bad picture or not. During the judges' deliberation on the above shows, my usual dialogue with the TV goes something like this (and yes, I do talk back to the TV):

Tams: Wow that guy was amazing! Did you hear his amazing rendition of [insert obscure 80's song here]? I almost cried....surely Simon did, too.
Randy: Yo dawg, a little pitchy for me, but that a'ight dog.
Paula: That...was...ugh...you...are...I...can't....believe...chills.
Simon: Ahbsolootely pathetic. The woost performance of the night.
Tams: Yeah, I mean it was OK, but he totally screwed up that last line. I totally heard it and I was totally going to say that, before the judges, who did not skew my previous views at all...yeah.

And this is me when I watch highly specialized shows like Project Runway:

Tams: Dang....that dress is pretty ugly.
Heidi: Your style, your fashion really shown through in this round. You will go far.
Obscure gay dude: Mmm hmm. Tell it girlfriend.
Random fashion has-been: I am going to give my opinion as though it ever mattered when I was in Vogue 20 years ago, so I can pretend that it matters now. I completely agree with Heidi.
Tams: Dang....that dress is pretty ugly.


To all of the people out there who can watch these shows such as Project Runway or even cooking shows on Food Network (which deserves a post all on its own), I commend you. Teach me your ways. But for now, I am perfectly satisfied with country bumpkins who might be the next 15-minute-famer for the next two years, or pretty-faced tall women who girl fight for 13 episodes for the coveted role in a 20-second Covergirl ad, never to be seen again.

Now that's quality television.