Lesson Learned

I'd like to believe that friends are forever.
It is so weird to think that when friendships go sour, fingers can often not be pointed at either party without 4 fingers pointing back at them, or however the expression goes....and so the dance begins.
Now that I am older I find myself learning more and more how to become vulnerable in relationships, and it really sucks sometimes. The risk that is put forward to let someone into your inadequacies is so high, because I realize that sometimes people don't return the favor. This is always the chance that you have to take, and I think that it is easier when the journey is constant. It is a matter of two people choosing to open up more and more, gingerly rolling up their sleeves and exposing their scars to the other at the expense of their pride. It hurts, it's painful...and yet, it feels so good.

But what happens when there is a dead end on the path of friendship? What happens when the joke is now on you? What happens when you feel like you hung yourself out to dry, and now you are left to let your hindsight and your good judgment beat you into the wind? I hate the fact that sometimes even friendships suffer economic crises. I hate the fact that everything invested into a relationship does not necessarily yield the returns that I'd like. The standard currency of trust and value turns into a sort of barter system, where apparently a mile is worth just as much as an inch. I hate it. And I love it.

I know that it will pay off in the end. I know that my relationships in the future will be made better because of my relationships in the past. I know that slowly but surely these situations are there to sand away the rough edges of my heart, and to help polish it so its an even better offering for those who enter my life later, and especially as a better offering for God. I know that this is life.

But it's still hard.

And it still hurts.