Dead, Weak

So I have been feeling numb all week. We are smack dab in the middle of Dead Week, the week at Georgia Tech right before finals. Teachers allegedly do not give out any tests, quizzes, or new material this week, and it is supposed to be a time that we breathe before we get slaughtered by our finals.

And I have no motivation to study.

I have been goofing pretty much all week, leaving my work to the last minute. I do not have many finals, and I am secure in most of my classes, which leads me to my indifference. I have had a pretty rough semester, doing a lot of soul searching, etc, so I really want to just stop. I do not feel like I can press on for the final stretch. I feel like the kid in the marathon who collapsed at the cooler three feet away from the finish line. It's all in the head, but the mind is a powerful tool.

I type this with my Bible sitting next to me, and I want to open it, but sometimes I feel like I open my Bible and read from it just because I can fulfill my Christianly duties. I wish this was not the case, but I truly am struggling.

But it is a good type of struggle. I feel like I have seen God this semester more than any of the previous ones. I have felt Him take over areas of my life that I have struggled in, areas that I only reluctantly surrendered to Him. I have felt His love more than ever. But the thing is, I don't want to live based on feelings. I truly want to seek His face. And if by seeking His face I have to face the fact that I am completely incapable of finishing this semester without him, then I know that everything that I am feeling right now is just another realization of the grace by which I have true life. As church-y as that sounds, I mean it. I cannot do this by myself.

Dear Reader, whoever you are, please remember the cross. Please remember the life that we have in Jesus. Life is futile, life is worthless....life is nothing without Jesus. You have to believe me.

*Give me Jesus, give me Jesus, you can have all this world, but give me Jesus.*