Thursday, November 13, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Lesson Learned
I'd like to believe that friends are forever.
It is so weird to think that when friendships go sour, fingers can often not be pointed at either party without 4 fingers pointing back at them, or however the expression goes....and so the dance begins.
Now that I am older I find myself learning more and more how to become vulnerable in relationships, and it really sucks sometimes. The risk that is put forward to let someone into your inadequacies is so high, because I realize that sometimes people don't return the favor. This is always the chance that you have to take, and I think that it is easier when the journey is constant. It is a matter of two people choosing to open up more and more, gingerly rolling up their sleeves and exposing their scars to the other at the expense of their pride. It hurts, it's painful...and yet, it feels so good.
But what happens when there is a dead end on the path of friendship? What happens when the joke is now on you? What happens when you feel like you hung yourself out to dry, and now you are left to let your hindsight and your good judgment beat you into the wind? I hate the fact that sometimes even friendships suffer economic crises. I hate the fact that everything invested into a relationship does not necessarily yield the returns that I'd like. The standard currency of trust and value turns into a sort of barter system, where apparently a mile is worth just as much as an inch. I hate it. And I love it.
I know that it will pay off in the end. I know that my relationships in the future will be made better because of my relationships in the past. I know that slowly but surely these situations are there to sand away the rough edges of my heart, and to help polish it so its an even better offering for those who enter my life later, and especially as a better offering for God. I know that this is life.
But it's still hard.
And it still hurts.
It is so weird to think that when friendships go sour, fingers can often not be pointed at either party without 4 fingers pointing back at them, or however the expression goes....and so the dance begins.
Now that I am older I find myself learning more and more how to become vulnerable in relationships, and it really sucks sometimes. The risk that is put forward to let someone into your inadequacies is so high, because I realize that sometimes people don't return the favor. This is always the chance that you have to take, and I think that it is easier when the journey is constant. It is a matter of two people choosing to open up more and more, gingerly rolling up their sleeves and exposing their scars to the other at the expense of their pride. It hurts, it's painful...and yet, it feels so good.
But what happens when there is a dead end on the path of friendship? What happens when the joke is now on you? What happens when you feel like you hung yourself out to dry, and now you are left to let your hindsight and your good judgment beat you into the wind? I hate the fact that sometimes even friendships suffer economic crises. I hate the fact that everything invested into a relationship does not necessarily yield the returns that I'd like. The standard currency of trust and value turns into a sort of barter system, where apparently a mile is worth just as much as an inch. I hate it. And I love it.
I know that it will pay off in the end. I know that my relationships in the future will be made better because of my relationships in the past. I know that slowly but surely these situations are there to sand away the rough edges of my heart, and to help polish it so its an even better offering for those who enter my life later, and especially as a better offering for God. I know that this is life.
But it's still hard.
And it still hurts.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Oh, the Places You Go!
You know, I feel like I just wasted a perfectly good title on a semi-useless blog entry. I was just sitting here, wasting time and I realized that I had the most amazing summer ever. On top of missions, etc, I got to really go around the USA as well as the world. Here are all the places that i went to within those 3 months:
--Georgia
--South Carolina
--Philadelphia, PA
--New York
--Dubai
--Uganda
--Kenya
--St. Louis
--Memphis
Twas awesome, and I got to meet some amazing people as well as hear some amazing stories.
Yup.
That is all.
--Georgia
--South Carolina
--Philadelphia, PA
--New York
--Dubai
--Uganda
--Kenya
--St. Louis
--Memphis
Twas awesome, and I got to meet some amazing people as well as hear some amazing stories.
Yup.
That is all.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Spiritual Pinata
This has been a crazy, crazy, crazy semester.
I think my emotions have been just one big roller coaster for the past couple of weeks. Everything was cranked from 0-100 mph in a very short amount of time, and the skid marks on my brain are evidence that I did not speed up accordingly. There have been times I think that I just want to leave everything and everyone that I love, and just ride on a escalator that neither goes up or down, just glides past the shambles that I fondly refer to as "my life". This desire to run away from everything is a coping mechanism, and it is also like a weird rash. It flares up every once in a while, but when it does it always feels like the first time.
But God....has been so faithful. I have felt the weight of my sins so heavily, to the point of weariness when I think about the consequences of my actions, or lack thereof. The point of reconciliation for many of the hurts that I have caused people has passed. The point of repair of the many transgressions that I have committed has long since expired. I am left with the rotten peels of these wrongdoings. I feel completely disjointed from everything I believe, and the little light in my heart dims almost to extinction.... But then there is always an instance, perhaps in the form of a kind word, a nice email, a good grade, or even sand in a bottle....God always sends little messages that remind me that this, along with everything in life, shall pass. He always picks me back up again, filling me with less of a spiritual high and more of an unspeakable joy that penetrates deeper and deeper into my heart's core with the passing of every situation. The deeper those roots, the closer I feel to God...and that is why I rejoice in the hard times.
Right now I'm more tired than I can remember ever being. I have had assignment after assignment, test after test, nonstop for over a week now. I have not slept in my bed in a couple of days. I am pulling through to the last minute, and although it is hard, I see that God keeps steering me back to the right place, directing me like a blindfolded child back to a spiritual Pinata. His glory will totally be shown in the end, and all I can say that I was privileged to witness it. I can't wait to sleep tomorrow night, but until that time comes, I will rest in Him. When I was in Uganda and I wanted to wake up early to do my quiet times, I found myself always repeating "I don't need sleep...I need Jesus." As extreme as that is, I think I need to adopt that stance again. When the rug of physical comforts is yanked out from under my feet, it is those times that I can see clearly where my strength lies.
Yesu Opaki forever.
*When I got tired of running from you
I stopped right there to catch my breath
There your words they caught my ears
You said, "I miss you son. Come home"
And my sins, they watched me leave
And in my heart I so believed
The love you felt for me was more than
The love I'd wished for all this time
And when the doors were closed
I heard no I told so's
I said the words I knew you knew
Oh God, Oh God I needed you
God all this time I needed you
I needed you...*
~Relient K
I think my emotions have been just one big roller coaster for the past couple of weeks. Everything was cranked from 0-100 mph in a very short amount of time, and the skid marks on my brain are evidence that I did not speed up accordingly. There have been times I think that I just want to leave everything and everyone that I love, and just ride on a escalator that neither goes up or down, just glides past the shambles that I fondly refer to as "my life". This desire to run away from everything is a coping mechanism, and it is also like a weird rash. It flares up every once in a while, but when it does it always feels like the first time.
But God....has been so faithful. I have felt the weight of my sins so heavily, to the point of weariness when I think about the consequences of my actions, or lack thereof. The point of reconciliation for many of the hurts that I have caused people has passed. The point of repair of the many transgressions that I have committed has long since expired. I am left with the rotten peels of these wrongdoings. I feel completely disjointed from everything I believe, and the little light in my heart dims almost to extinction.... But then there is always an instance, perhaps in the form of a kind word, a nice email, a good grade, or even sand in a bottle....God always sends little messages that remind me that this, along with everything in life, shall pass. He always picks me back up again, filling me with less of a spiritual high and more of an unspeakable joy that penetrates deeper and deeper into my heart's core with the passing of every situation. The deeper those roots, the closer I feel to God...and that is why I rejoice in the hard times.
Right now I'm more tired than I can remember ever being. I have had assignment after assignment, test after test, nonstop for over a week now. I have not slept in my bed in a couple of days. I am pulling through to the last minute, and although it is hard, I see that God keeps steering me back to the right place, directing me like a blindfolded child back to a spiritual Pinata. His glory will totally be shown in the end, and all I can say that I was privileged to witness it. I can't wait to sleep tomorrow night, but until that time comes, I will rest in Him. When I was in Uganda and I wanted to wake up early to do my quiet times, I found myself always repeating "I don't need sleep...I need Jesus." As extreme as that is, I think I need to adopt that stance again. When the rug of physical comforts is yanked out from under my feet, it is those times that I can see clearly where my strength lies.
Yesu Opaki forever.
*When I got tired of running from you
I stopped right there to catch my breath
There your words they caught my ears
You said, "I miss you son. Come home"
And my sins, they watched me leave
And in my heart I so believed
The love you felt for me was more than
The love I'd wished for all this time
And when the doors were closed
I heard no I told so's
I said the words I knew you knew
Oh God, Oh God I needed you
God all this time I needed you
I needed you...*
~Relient K
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
A Stunning Revelation....or Not
I can't dance.
It is painful for me to type this, but I realize that I need to come to grips with my shortcomings. Seriously though, there is something that is disconnected between my brain and the rest of my body whenever some sort of rhythmic, vibing, pulsating beat hits my eardrums. This affliction is not a new discovery, I am just woman enough to admit it, now.
When I was a young girl, I remember when all of my grandmother's grandchildren used to dance to the songs at the end of Disney movies, like "Beauty and the Beast" at the end of Beauty and the Beast, or "Under the Sea" at the end of The Little Mermaid. Now during the latter song, the Bajan in all of the grandchildren would stir up inside and there would be a little reggae party up in there. I remember something stirring inside my soul, too, and before I would know it, my arms would flail everywhere, my feet would make random kicks, and I would put forth my best effort to make poetry of the body. All I remember is that after a while, my cousins did not want to dance with me anymore--and I don't blame them. It was totally the David Brent Charity Dance, 5-year-old style. My dancing routine became lethal, and I eventually had to retire it.
Now I sit here, after going on a missions trip, where we performed many, many routines in Uganda and Kenya. The stunning revelation was this: people totally did not care about my proficiency of dancing, whether I could keep the beat or not, or whether I looked good doing it. That was really refreshing to see. I gave my best there, and that was really all that mattered in the end.
Well, I have decided that I am not a great dancer, but I am fairly decent. Enough to fool people when I am standing on the side of a dark room, and people's vision is already distracted by seizure-inducing bright strobe lights. I am completely all right with not ever being good enough to be the next Harajuku girl--although I am willing to still submit the application, hoping that that the whole not-being-Japanese thing doesn't get in the way. Who knows? Maybe I'll be the next star on the upcoming Fox Reality Show "So You Think You Can Dance...But the Mirror Suggests Otherwise" (Thursdays this Fall). I'll let you know....
Until then, this is Tamara, mediocre dancer, disgrace to her parents and her heritage (and proud of it), over and out.
"Bust a move."
~Young MC
It is painful for me to type this, but I realize that I need to come to grips with my shortcomings. Seriously though, there is something that is disconnected between my brain and the rest of my body whenever some sort of rhythmic, vibing, pulsating beat hits my eardrums. This affliction is not a new discovery, I am just woman enough to admit it, now.
When I was a young girl, I remember when all of my grandmother's grandchildren used to dance to the songs at the end of Disney movies, like "Beauty and the Beast" at the end of Beauty and the Beast, or "Under the Sea" at the end of The Little Mermaid. Now during the latter song, the Bajan in all of the grandchildren would stir up inside and there would be a little reggae party up in there. I remember something stirring inside my soul, too, and before I would know it, my arms would flail everywhere, my feet would make random kicks, and I would put forth my best effort to make poetry of the body. All I remember is that after a while, my cousins did not want to dance with me anymore--and I don't blame them. It was totally the David Brent Charity Dance, 5-year-old style. My dancing routine became lethal, and I eventually had to retire it.
Now I sit here, after going on a missions trip, where we performed many, many routines in Uganda and Kenya. The stunning revelation was this: people totally did not care about my proficiency of dancing, whether I could keep the beat or not, or whether I looked good doing it. That was really refreshing to see. I gave my best there, and that was really all that mattered in the end.
Well, I have decided that I am not a great dancer, but I am fairly decent. Enough to fool people when I am standing on the side of a dark room, and people's vision is already distracted by seizure-inducing bright strobe lights. I am completely all right with not ever being good enough to be the next Harajuku girl--although I am willing to still submit the application, hoping that that the whole not-being-Japanese thing doesn't get in the way. Who knows? Maybe I'll be the next star on the upcoming Fox Reality Show "So You Think You Can Dance...But the Mirror Suggests Otherwise" (Thursdays this Fall). I'll let you know....
Until then, this is Tamara, mediocre dancer, disgrace to her parents and her heritage (and proud of it), over and out.
"Bust a move."
~Young MC
What Kind of Love: An Ode to Facebook
I remember when we were introduced
Through mutual friends
I
heard about you
They said we would go great together
so I tried
I couldn't deny the power
of your simple design
As weeks flew by
I began to wonder
How life dared moved on
before we met
I remember the flutter in my heart
When I saw that you'd wrote
And I opened the blue-lettered messages
I could not understand the feeling inside
but I knew it was right
When I went to college I realized that our relationship
would change
not sure how
but now I know
it was only for the better
and yet
something told me you'd change
little hints you throw
every guard you'd drop
the warning signs so clear
When you started to get caught up in the buzz
feeding me news of friends that I cared little about
Realizing that you spent so much time
Biding the times of others
I was suspect
But I relented
Feeling guilty,
I repented
of my doubting stance
And we were cool
Until now
once again, you reformed
Broke the norm
The uproar
about your tabbed makeover
I have to agree
Trading in organized simplicity
for beta trends
I am ashamed
you conformed
But through this rebuke
I will say
I'll get used to you
one day
you won't care what others say is best
you will be the usual
one I grew to love
but for now
our status
is not love
just tolerance.
Through mutual friends
I
heard about you
They said we would go great together
so I tried
I couldn't deny the power
of your simple design
As weeks flew by
I began to wonder
How life dared moved on
before we met
I remember the flutter in my heart
When I saw that you'd wrote
And I opened the blue-lettered messages
I could not understand the feeling inside
but I knew it was right
When I went to college I realized that our relationship
would change
not sure how
but now I know
it was only for the better
and yet
something told me you'd change
little hints you throw
every guard you'd drop
the warning signs so clear
When you started to get caught up in the buzz
feeding me news of friends that I cared little about
Realizing that you spent so much time
Biding the times of others
I was suspect
But I relented
Feeling guilty,
I repented
of my doubting stance
And we were cool
Until now
once again, you reformed
Broke the norm
The uproar
about your tabbed makeover
I have to agree
Trading in organized simplicity
for beta trends
I am ashamed
you conformed
But through this rebuke
I will say
I'll get used to you
one day
you won't care what others say is best
you will be the usual
one I grew to love
but for now
our status
is not love
just tolerance.
Fashion Shows, and Why I Suck at Them
I have decided that I am not and never will be a good judge of fashion. Shows such as Project Runway have proven this to me. These shows, therefore, will never pique my interest. Not because I am a tomboy or anything....I used to be, but I have become more girlie as the years go on. And it's not because I don't enjoy watching a bunch of gay guys and girls have cat fights with each other--I mean, who doesn't? Maybe it's because I think that anything the aspiring designers design is quite literally the fugliest thing that could have ever been created, and it boggles my mind when "experts" state otherwise.
You see, when I watch another show like American Idol, I can hear if the person is off-key or not. On America's Next Top Model, I can see if it's a bad picture or not. During the judges' deliberation on the above shows, my usual dialogue with the TV goes something like this (and yes, I do talk back to the TV):
Tams: Wow that guy was amazing! Did you hear his amazing rendition of [insert obscure 80's song here]? I almost cried....surely Simon did, too.
Randy: Yo dawg, a little pitchy for me, but that a'ight dog.
Paula: That...was...ugh...you...are...I...can't....believe...chills.
Simon: Ahbsolootely pathetic. The woost performance of the night.
Tams: Yeah, I mean it was OK, but he totally screwed up that last line. I totally heard it and I was totally going to say that, before the judges, who did not skew my previous views at all...yeah.
And this is me when I watch highly specialized shows like Project Runway:
Tams: Dang....that dress is pretty ugly.
Heidi: Your style, your fashion really shown through in this round. You will go far.
Obscure gay dude: Mmm hmm. Tell it girlfriend.
Random fashion has-been: I am going to give my opinion as though it ever mattered when I was in Vogue 20 years ago, so I can pretend that it matters now. I completely agree with Heidi.
Tams: Dang....that dress is pretty ugly.
To all of the people out there who can watch these shows such as Project Runway or even cooking shows on Food Network (which deserves a post all on its own), I commend you. Teach me your ways. But for now, I am perfectly satisfied with country bumpkins who might be the next 15-minute-famer for the next two years, or pretty-faced tall women who girl fight for 13 episodes for the coveted role in a 20-second Covergirl ad, never to be seen again.
Now that's quality television.
You see, when I watch another show like American Idol, I can hear if the person is off-key or not. On America's Next Top Model, I can see if it's a bad picture or not. During the judges' deliberation on the above shows, my usual dialogue with the TV goes something like this (and yes, I do talk back to the TV):
Tams: Wow that guy was amazing! Did you hear his amazing rendition of [insert obscure 80's song here]? I almost cried....surely Simon did, too.
Randy: Yo dawg, a little pitchy for me, but that a'ight dog.
Paula: That...was...ugh...you...are...I...can't....believe...chills.
Simon: Ahbsolootely pathetic. The woost performance of the night.
Tams: Yeah, I mean it was OK, but he totally screwed up that last line. I totally heard it and I was totally going to say that, before the judges, who did not skew my previous views at all...yeah.
And this is me when I watch highly specialized shows like Project Runway:
Tams: Dang....that dress is pretty ugly.
Heidi: Your style, your fashion really shown through in this round. You will go far.
Obscure gay dude: Mmm hmm. Tell it girlfriend.
Random fashion has-been: I am going to give my opinion as though it ever mattered when I was in Vogue 20 years ago, so I can pretend that it matters now. I completely agree with Heidi.
Tams: Dang....that dress is pretty ugly.
To all of the people out there who can watch these shows such as Project Runway or even cooking shows on Food Network (which deserves a post all on its own), I commend you. Teach me your ways. But for now, I am perfectly satisfied with country bumpkins who might be the next 15-minute-famer for the next two years, or pretty-faced tall women who girl fight for 13 episodes for the coveted role in a 20-second Covergirl ad, never to be seen again.
Now that's quality television.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Potentially the Second Worst Week of my Life
If I were to base the awesome-meter of my life on pure circumstance, this week would definitely err towards the side of "craptastic", and this is why:
--I am currently on crutches, all due to a freak jump rope accident. That's right, jump rope (Hi, my name is Tamara Johnson, and I am 5 years old). The way that I landed on the ground had me sprain my knee really badly, and it has not healed. I have had a hard time getting from class to class, deciding not to go to the majority of them because the little time that I have in between classes would put too much strain on my knee. This is the first major injury that I have ever sustained...disregarding that time when I squeezed my thumb in the car door, and my thumbnail literally fell off of my skin after a few months (do write if you'd like even more gooey details). I have been struggling, being made even more aware of my handicap with each step that I take.
--I have 3 tests this week, my first test week since Spring semester. I had one on Wednesday that I wish went a lot better than it did, and I have two tests tomorrow. On top of that I have my first major lab report for Synthesis Lab due this week. My motivation to do anything (including study) is zero, and it shows.
--I have a cold.
--I have a toothache.
--My hamster Squeakers died.
OK, the last one is a lie, but everything else is really going on in my life. So why do I feel so semi-joyful? Why, in the midst of chaos, do I feel somewhat numb, even happy-ish? Well, I will list all of the reasons....tomorrow. When I have finished my tests.
In the meanwhile, I hope your day is going swimmingly. I have a new number now, so if you did not get the memo message me so that I can give it to you.
To be continued.
--I am currently on crutches, all due to a freak jump rope accident. That's right, jump rope (Hi, my name is Tamara Johnson, and I am 5 years old). The way that I landed on the ground had me sprain my knee really badly, and it has not healed. I have had a hard time getting from class to class, deciding not to go to the majority of them because the little time that I have in between classes would put too much strain on my knee. This is the first major injury that I have ever sustained...disregarding that time when I squeezed my thumb in the car door, and my thumbnail literally fell off of my skin after a few months (do write if you'd like even more gooey details). I have been struggling, being made even more aware of my handicap with each step that I take.
--I have 3 tests this week, my first test week since Spring semester. I had one on Wednesday that I wish went a lot better than it did, and I have two tests tomorrow. On top of that I have my first major lab report for Synthesis Lab due this week. My motivation to do anything (including study) is zero, and it shows.
--I have a cold.
--I have a toothache.
--My hamster Squeakers died.
OK, the last one is a lie, but everything else is really going on in my life. So why do I feel so semi-joyful? Why, in the midst of chaos, do I feel somewhat numb, even happy-ish? Well, I will list all of the reasons....tomorrow. When I have finished my tests.
In the meanwhile, I hope your day is going swimmingly. I have a new number now, so if you did not get the memo message me so that I can give it to you.
To be continued.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Important Announcement
Dear friends, family, and people who randomly stumble upon this blog:
Let it be known that I, as well as my sister Amanda, am currently cell phone-less, as we will be getting a new one within an indefinite period of time. Until then I am best reached by email (quasiblasian@gmail.com) or random meetings. Sorry if you called me or texted me recently....I didn't get it, those messages are now floating in Communication Purgatory. I am sorry for any inconvenience that this has caused you, but believe me, it sucks for me, too. I do not hate you all, I hope that when I get a new phone we can still be friends, because I am under the sneaking suspicion that I am losing friends because of lack of communication, even as I type....I love you guys, feel free to email or chat anytime.
Have a great day!
Let it be known that I, as well as my sister Amanda, am currently cell phone-less, as we will be getting a new one within an indefinite period of time. Until then I am best reached by email (quasiblasian@gmail.com) or random meetings. Sorry if you called me or texted me recently....I didn't get it, those messages are now floating in Communication Purgatory. I am sorry for any inconvenience that this has caused you, but believe me, it sucks for me, too. I do not hate you all, I hope that when I get a new phone we can still be friends, because I am under the sneaking suspicion that I am losing friends because of lack of communication, even as I type....I love you guys, feel free to email or chat anytime.
Have a great day!
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
It's 4:30 in the morning
And I cannot seem to go back to sleep.
*thinks of something interesting to write about*
....
I got nothing.
My hair is really big.
I cannot believe that school starts in 5 days. I am kind of scared, actually, because in my head I am still mentally debriefing from missions, so my motivation to do anything productive is zero. My to-do list has been only half-tackled every day, and it kind of freaks me out that soon I will be a student again. Over the summer i got a lot of insight as to what my role as a student is, but I do not think this is the right time to share it. I do know that it is Wednesday, which is a few days before Friday, which means that Sunday is not too far away, which means that Monday is ALMOST HERE.
*breathes*
One day at a time....one day at a time.
I still can't sleep.
Here is something that has been occupying my time...brilliant.
*It’s well past midnight
And I’m awake with questions that won’t
Wait for daylight
Separating fact from my imaginary fiction
On this shelf of my conviction
I need to find a place
Where You and I come face to face
Thomas needed
Proof that You had really risen
Undefeated
When he placed his fingers
Where the nails once broke Your skin
Did his faith finally begin?
I’ve lied if I’ve denied
The common ground I’ve shared with him
And I, I really want to know You
I want to make each day
A different way that I can show You how
I really want to love You
Be patient with my doubt
I’m just tryin’ to figure out Your will
And I really want to know You still.*
~Nichole Nordeman
*thinks of something interesting to write about*
....
I got nothing.
My hair is really big.
I cannot believe that school starts in 5 days. I am kind of scared, actually, because in my head I am still mentally debriefing from missions, so my motivation to do anything productive is zero. My to-do list has been only half-tackled every day, and it kind of freaks me out that soon I will be a student again. Over the summer i got a lot of insight as to what my role as a student is, but I do not think this is the right time to share it. I do know that it is Wednesday, which is a few days before Friday, which means that Sunday is not too far away, which means that Monday is ALMOST HERE.
*breathes*
One day at a time....one day at a time.
I still can't sleep.
Here is something that has been occupying my time...brilliant.
*It’s well past midnight
And I’m awake with questions that won’t
Wait for daylight
Separating fact from my imaginary fiction
On this shelf of my conviction
I need to find a place
Where You and I come face to face
Thomas needed
Proof that You had really risen
Undefeated
When he placed his fingers
Where the nails once broke Your skin
Did his faith finally begin?
I’ve lied if I’ve denied
The common ground I’ve shared with him
And I, I really want to know You
I want to make each day
A different way that I can show You how
I really want to love You
Be patient with my doubt
I’m just tryin’ to figure out Your will
And I really want to know You still.*
~Nichole Nordeman
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
We're Back!!
Back from missions, back from Uganda, and it was amazing. There is so much to say about that, but not enough space or willpower. Please ask if you desire to know.
I missed this corner of the Internet that I call my own. It was nice journalling every day, but I realize that I get a kick out of telling people what happened to me. Maybe because I am slightly selfish/self-centered, but I swear I'm much better.
God is awesome, and honestly it makes me laugh how seriously He loves me. It makes me feel special to know that God does have an ultimate plan for my life, and being in Uganda I was able to see His sovereignty at new levels. I found myself having a lot of facepalm moments, where God was saying "that's why I had you go through that". Even reading back on my journal I see situations and problems that were so huge at the time, but its clear in retrospect how faithful God was anyway. Seriously.
But now, I am home. The truth is, I do miss missions a lot. I miss the Ugandans that I met and got to know better (shout-out to Martin), and I miss the people of our team (shout-out to G-ma). I'm in disbelief that missions is officially over (ok, yeah, the mission is never over, but you know what I mean). I miss having a set ministry schedule, and the rigor/ease of meditating day and night on God. Now that I am home I know that there is a ministry for me here. I know that God is with me with every step that I take here. But honestly, sifting through and finding God through my many clothes (and such clean clothes they are), electronics, technology, social engagements, to-do lists, and random happenstances--this has proven to be a much mightier undertaking than expected. But honestly, God is faithful, He really is. I am looking forward to tomorrow. Maybe because I'm enjoying watching Tobias, my 3-year old cousin, dance to "American Boy", my new favorite song. Maybe because as I sit here I am surrounded by my family talking over each other, having 10 conversations at once. Maybe because I know that tomorrow will be extremely slow-paced and chill, the first chill day that i have had in many months. Maybe because I know that it is just another day to live, and I am looking forward to living it. Whatever it is, I am excited.
I will try to post more often.
I missed this corner of the Internet that I call my own. It was nice journalling every day, but I realize that I get a kick out of telling people what happened to me. Maybe because I am slightly selfish/self-centered, but I swear I'm much better.
God is awesome, and honestly it makes me laugh how seriously He loves me. It makes me feel special to know that God does have an ultimate plan for my life, and being in Uganda I was able to see His sovereignty at new levels. I found myself having a lot of facepalm moments, where God was saying "that's why I had you go through that". Even reading back on my journal I see situations and problems that were so huge at the time, but its clear in retrospect how faithful God was anyway. Seriously.
But now, I am home. The truth is, I do miss missions a lot. I miss the Ugandans that I met and got to know better (shout-out to Martin), and I miss the people of our team (shout-out to G-ma). I'm in disbelief that missions is officially over (ok, yeah, the mission is never over, but you know what I mean). I miss having a set ministry schedule, and the rigor/ease of meditating day and night on God. Now that I am home I know that there is a ministry for me here. I know that God is with me with every step that I take here. But honestly, sifting through and finding God through my many clothes (and such clean clothes they are), electronics, technology, social engagements, to-do lists, and random happenstances--this has proven to be a much mightier undertaking than expected. But honestly, God is faithful, He really is. I am looking forward to tomorrow. Maybe because I'm enjoying watching Tobias, my 3-year old cousin, dance to "American Boy", my new favorite song. Maybe because as I sit here I am surrounded by my family talking over each other, having 10 conversations at once. Maybe because I know that tomorrow will be extremely slow-paced and chill, the first chill day that i have had in many months. Maybe because I know that it is just another day to live, and I am looking forward to living it. Whatever it is, I am excited.
I will try to post more often.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
This is the last time
In a long time that I will post. We are leaving for Philly on Saturday, and then for Uganda on the 30th of this month. Please keep our team in your prayers, because it is going to be a spiritual battle. On top of that, Uganda is definitely not one of the safest places to be at this time, but as a wise pastor once said, "the safest place that you will ever be is in the will of God". Being in training for the past month I have been overwhelmed by how much God has been working with our team, and how his glory has shown even through our human shortcomings. God has handpicked us for this missions trip to Uganda, but I know that it is not a case of us being super Christians because our geography is going to be so different from what we are used to. God has a calling for all of us, and I truly believe that if we listen to Him every once in a while and we stop giving Him our agenda, we will find that God puts us in exactly the place that he wants us to be, no matter how hard it may be. We have been crucified with Christ, you all, and it is no longer us who lives, but Christ lives in us.
I firmly believe that no matter what the outcome of this trip is, God will get the glory out of it. I have so many quotes and scriptures that have taken me through the hardships of training over the past few weeks, but I think the lyric that has really hit home for me is one that my sister repeated to me when I was feeling particularly low. From reading this, and from the blessings that I have received in abundant proportions, I know its still a little scary, and I know that I cannot do this by myself, but I do know that God is there, and he has myself and our whole team in his arms. Glory be to God.
*To love the Lord our God
Is the heartbeat of our mission
The stream from which our service overflows
Across the street
Or around the world
The mission's still the same
Proclaim and live the truth in Jesus' name.*
~Steve Green
I firmly believe that no matter what the outcome of this trip is, God will get the glory out of it. I have so many quotes and scriptures that have taken me through the hardships of training over the past few weeks, but I think the lyric that has really hit home for me is one that my sister repeated to me when I was feeling particularly low. From reading this, and from the blessings that I have received in abundant proportions, I know its still a little scary, and I know that I cannot do this by myself, but I do know that God is there, and he has myself and our whole team in his arms. Glory be to God.
*To love the Lord our God
Is the heartbeat of our mission
The stream from which our service overflows
Across the street
Or around the world
The mission's still the same
Proclaim and live the truth in Jesus' name.*
~Steve Green
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Because the Sun Never Sets
I
CAN'T
SEE.
Right now I am typing with oh-so-attractive cardboard shades that they give you at the eye doctor. This is because my pupils are roughly the size of beach balls, and they will be this size for at least another three hours. On a side note I wonder, why is it that we always say "eye doctor" and not optometrist, or the other word that I can't remember? Seriously, no one ever says that. It's like we are all 5 or something. But I digress. Well, considering that I broke my glasses beyond repair about a month ago, I decided it was time to do something about that. It's not like I was upset about going to the doctor, though....going there is usually like Christmas, except there was no food or pine tree involved, and it only happens every two years. So maybe it's like the Olympics, then. Whatever.
I don't know what was wrong with me today. Usually I get goosebumps over the excitement of people sticking things in my eyes, but today I was sooooo OFF. The nurse-lady person was getting a little fed up with me because the part where they blow a puff of air into my eye had to be done about five times. My eyes had a mind of their own....for some reason they did not want to have a sudden rush of air thrust in their direction. I mean, who could blame them? Well after that fiasco I make my way to the other room (btw, there are a lot of rooms in a eye doctor's office, let me tell you) and the doctor is sitting there, ready to ask me the "1? or 2?" question? If you don't know what I'm talking about, you sit in a high chair and the doctor fits a ginormous black thing to your face....it has around 200 lenses on it and it is magic. I swear it is. All the doctor does is ask which looks better between 1 or 2, 3 or 4, 5 or 6, and then presto, you have a formula for the perfect glasses. Then you step down, go to the front, choose your frames, wham bam, see you next week.
Or so I thought.
I was sitting in the doctor's chair for longer than usual, I noticed. At first I thought it was punishment for giving the nurse-lady person a hard time, which was understandable, served her right, no regrets. But I found in just a little while that it was actually because I have cataracts. Yup, that's right. And since I am prone to divulging all of my medical issues on this blog (anemia, anyone?), I figured I should tell you all. apparently I have had them since i was born. Since they have been subtly there my whole life the doctor said it probably would not get much worse, so no Ray Charles incident here. Although I wouldn't mind being mad good at the piano....dang it.
OK, that was alright, I really did not care that much about the fact that my lenses are a little cloudy. The thing that ticked me off the is the best part of the appointment, the most important part, the result of which would be what I have to live with for at least another year--the procedure of actually choosing frames was RUSHED. RUSHED, I tell you. Why, you ask? Because the doctor decided to drown my already stubborn eyes with stinging dilating solution. I think that was my actual punishment, because he did it THREE times. I think the last time was out of mean spirits, jerk. Once he did that I only had around 5 minutes to choose a frame because if I did not make it back to the room in time my eyes would have probably either spontaneously combusted or turned into two pumpkins. Because of this I randomly chose two frames that did not look completely hideous, paid the nurse-lady person (who was rushing me the whole time), went back and stared at more bright lights, and finally walked out with the aforementioned sexy cardboard shades.
All in all, not a horrible trip. Now I am just waiting for my pupils to become a little bit smaller than two grapefruits. Until then I will be working on the whole piano prodigy thing. I'll let you know how that goes.
Ray Charles ain't got nothing on me.
~~
CAN'T
SEE.
Right now I am typing with oh-so-attractive cardboard shades that they give you at the eye doctor. This is because my pupils are roughly the size of beach balls, and they will be this size for at least another three hours. On a side note I wonder, why is it that we always say "eye doctor" and not optometrist, or the other word that I can't remember? Seriously, no one ever says that. It's like we are all 5 or something. But I digress. Well, considering that I broke my glasses beyond repair about a month ago, I decided it was time to do something about that. It's not like I was upset about going to the doctor, though....going there is usually like Christmas, except there was no food or pine tree involved, and it only happens every two years. So maybe it's like the Olympics, then. Whatever.
I don't know what was wrong with me today. Usually I get goosebumps over the excitement of people sticking things in my eyes, but today I was sooooo OFF. The nurse-lady person was getting a little fed up with me because the part where they blow a puff of air into my eye had to be done about five times. My eyes had a mind of their own....for some reason they did not want to have a sudden rush of air thrust in their direction. I mean, who could blame them? Well after that fiasco I make my way to the other room (btw, there are a lot of rooms in a eye doctor's office, let me tell you) and the doctor is sitting there, ready to ask me the "1? or 2?" question? If you don't know what I'm talking about, you sit in a high chair and the doctor fits a ginormous black thing to your face....it has around 200 lenses on it and it is magic. I swear it is. All the doctor does is ask which looks better between 1 or 2, 3 or 4, 5 or 6, and then presto, you have a formula for the perfect glasses. Then you step down, go to the front, choose your frames, wham bam, see you next week.
Or so I thought.
I was sitting in the doctor's chair for longer than usual, I noticed. At first I thought it was punishment for giving the nurse-lady person a hard time, which was understandable, served her right, no regrets. But I found in just a little while that it was actually because I have cataracts. Yup, that's right. And since I am prone to divulging all of my medical issues on this blog (anemia, anyone?), I figured I should tell you all. apparently I have had them since i was born. Since they have been subtly there my whole life the doctor said it probably would not get much worse, so no Ray Charles incident here. Although I wouldn't mind being mad good at the piano....dang it.
OK, that was alright, I really did not care that much about the fact that my lenses are a little cloudy. The thing that ticked me off the is the best part of the appointment, the most important part, the result of which would be what I have to live with for at least another year--the procedure of actually choosing frames was RUSHED. RUSHED, I tell you. Why, you ask? Because the doctor decided to drown my already stubborn eyes with stinging dilating solution. I think that was my actual punishment, because he did it THREE times. I think the last time was out of mean spirits, jerk. Once he did that I only had around 5 minutes to choose a frame because if I did not make it back to the room in time my eyes would have probably either spontaneously combusted or turned into two pumpkins. Because of this I randomly chose two frames that did not look completely hideous, paid the nurse-lady person (who was rushing me the whole time), went back and stared at more bright lights, and finally walked out with the aforementioned sexy cardboard shades.
All in all, not a horrible trip. Now I am just waiting for my pupils to become a little bit smaller than two grapefruits. Until then I will be working on the whole piano prodigy thing. I'll let you know how that goes.
Ray Charles ain't got nothing on me.
~~
Monday, May 05, 2008
New Summer, New Color
So I got really tired of the bubbles in the background theme, so I decided to change it. Kim told me that if I changed the background she would probably stop reading this blog, and I would go down as the girl who was too insecure to keep one freaking theme (ok the last part was a little exaggerated, but that's what I heard). Well if my blog doth offend you, I am truly sorry (but not sorry enough to change it back, foo on you).
It is summer time, and I feel rushed. I have 2 1/2 weeks until intensive training starts, and I sort of feel like the walls are closing in on me. What happened? Wasn't it just yesterday that we were sending the Kenya team off? Wasn't it just yesterday that I was thinking and praying (but not really) about going, but not really thinking that I was going? Wasn't it just yesterday when I was sitting in the student center and I felt "The Call" while I was watching a Fall Out Boy video? Did we NOT just have our first training session yesterday? Huh? What?
Passport Immunizations new glasses VBS skits Dentist Family time finish Harry Potter save some money will I raise enough money? watch some movies The Sound of Music grades sucked this semester repair bike tire what should I pack? hope everything stays together at my house for a summer need to get FIT oh yeah.....this isn't about me is it oh crap I need to read my bible and pray but is God mad at me of course he's not but how much time is too much time crap crap crap crap God can hear me thinking.....GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
So yeah....please pray for me. On the flip side, I am SOOOOOOO happy to be at home! I love my family so much. Like seriously. I have already read nursery rhymes with Tobias, had a blinking contest with Elissa, lost the Phase 10 game for Auntie Marcia, and watched the Scrubs episode that makes me cry.
So little time...but I will cherish every minute of it.
*Simple as a phone call just to make it known that you're gonna
be a little late
Pure as a kiss on a cheek in a word that everything will be okay
Call in the morning from my little sister singing to me
Happy Birthday
In the quest for fortune and fame
Don't forget about the simple things...*
~India.Arie
It is summer time, and I feel rushed. I have 2 1/2 weeks until intensive training starts, and I sort of feel like the walls are closing in on me. What happened? Wasn't it just yesterday that we were sending the Kenya team off? Wasn't it just yesterday that I was thinking and praying (but not really) about going, but not really thinking that I was going? Wasn't it just yesterday when I was sitting in the student center and I felt "The Call" while I was watching a Fall Out Boy video? Did we NOT just have our first training session yesterday? Huh? What?
Passport Immunizations new glasses VBS skits Dentist Family time finish Harry Potter save some money will I raise enough money? watch some movies The Sound of Music grades sucked this semester repair bike tire what should I pack? hope everything stays together at my house for a summer need to get FIT oh yeah.....this isn't about me is it oh crap I need to read my bible and pray but is God mad at me of course he's not but how much time is too much time crap crap crap crap God can hear me thinking.....GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
So yeah....please pray for me. On the flip side, I am SOOOOOOO happy to be at home! I love my family so much. Like seriously. I have already read nursery rhymes with Tobias, had a blinking contest with Elissa, lost the Phase 10 game for Auntie Marcia, and watched the Scrubs episode that makes me cry.
So little time...but I will cherish every minute of it.
*Simple as a phone call just to make it known that you're gonna
be a little late
Pure as a kiss on a cheek in a word that everything will be okay
Call in the morning from my little sister singing to me
Happy Birthday
In the quest for fortune and fame
Don't forget about the simple things...*
~India.Arie
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Dead, Weak
So I have been feeling numb all week. We are smack dab in the middle of Dead Week, the week at Georgia Tech right before finals. Teachers allegedly do not give out any tests, quizzes, or new material this week, and it is supposed to be a time that we breathe before we get slaughtered by our finals.
And I have no motivation to study.
I have been goofing pretty much all week, leaving my work to the last minute. I do not have many finals, and I am secure in most of my classes, which leads me to my indifference. I have had a pretty rough semester, doing a lot of soul searching, etc, so I really want to just stop. I do not feel like I can press on for the final stretch. I feel like the kid in the marathon who collapsed at the cooler three feet away from the finish line. It's all in the head, but the mind is a powerful tool.
I type this with my Bible sitting next to me, and I want to open it, but sometimes I feel like I open my Bible and read from it just because I can fulfill my Christianly duties. I wish this was not the case, but I truly am struggling.
But it is a good type of struggle. I feel like I have seen God this semester more than any of the previous ones. I have felt Him take over areas of my life that I have struggled in, areas that I only reluctantly surrendered to Him. I have felt His love more than ever. But the thing is, I don't want to live based on feelings. I truly want to seek His face. And if by seeking His face I have to face the fact that I am completely incapable of finishing this semester without him, then I know that everything that I am feeling right now is just another realization of the grace by which I have true life. As church-y as that sounds, I mean it. I cannot do this by myself.
Dear Reader, whoever you are, please remember the cross. Please remember the life that we have in Jesus. Life is futile, life is worthless....life is nothing without Jesus. You have to believe me.
*Give me Jesus, give me Jesus, you can have all this world, but give me Jesus.*
And I have no motivation to study.
I have been goofing pretty much all week, leaving my work to the last minute. I do not have many finals, and I am secure in most of my classes, which leads me to my indifference. I have had a pretty rough semester, doing a lot of soul searching, etc, so I really want to just stop. I do not feel like I can press on for the final stretch. I feel like the kid in the marathon who collapsed at the cooler three feet away from the finish line. It's all in the head, but the mind is a powerful tool.
I type this with my Bible sitting next to me, and I want to open it, but sometimes I feel like I open my Bible and read from it just because I can fulfill my Christianly duties. I wish this was not the case, but I truly am struggling.
But it is a good type of struggle. I feel like I have seen God this semester more than any of the previous ones. I have felt Him take over areas of my life that I have struggled in, areas that I only reluctantly surrendered to Him. I have felt His love more than ever. But the thing is, I don't want to live based on feelings. I truly want to seek His face. And if by seeking His face I have to face the fact that I am completely incapable of finishing this semester without him, then I know that everything that I am feeling right now is just another realization of the grace by which I have true life. As church-y as that sounds, I mean it. I cannot do this by myself.
Dear Reader, whoever you are, please remember the cross. Please remember the life that we have in Jesus. Life is futile, life is worthless....life is nothing without Jesus. You have to believe me.
*Give me Jesus, give me Jesus, you can have all this world, but give me Jesus.*
Friday, April 11, 2008
random thoughts on a friday morning when i should be studying or asleep
--Free t-shirts rock my world.
--I am going to try and only wear free t-shirts for the rest of the semester.
--I got 4 free tshirts in one week. SCORE!
--Why do my eyeballs throb when its this late at night?
--Why does Sprite turn green in your stomach after you drink it?
--Why did I have to vomit today to find this out?
--I hate the fact that I get motion sickness.
--I'm in denial about the fact that I get motion sickness.
--I don't get motion sickness.
--I don't like to eat mushy things. They make me gag.
--Will the fact that I hate mushy food become a problem in Uganda?
--I wish I was a natural at Physics.
--I wish I wasn't afraid of heights.
--I'm too dark for henna tattoos.
--I like to be right more than I should.
--I wish business would win over pleasure more often.
--I don't like texting that much, only to a select few. It takes too much work, and my fingers get tired.
--Don't take it personally when I don't text back. I'm just lazy and I feel that it is too much effort to respond.
--I like it--nay, I love it-- when people call me.
--Facebook. Oh Facebook.
--No, seriously. My eyes are throbbing.
--I am pretty darn selfish.
--It was weird seeing you today. Like that. It was hard, but humbling.
--I miss you, my friend. Why did you do that to your family? I am praying for you, my love. My sister.
And now it is time to sign off.
--I am going to try and only wear free t-shirts for the rest of the semester.
--I got 4 free tshirts in one week. SCORE!
--Why do my eyeballs throb when its this late at night?
--Why does Sprite turn green in your stomach after you drink it?
--Why did I have to vomit today to find this out?
--I hate the fact that I get motion sickness.
--I'm in denial about the fact that I get motion sickness.
--I don't get motion sickness.
--I don't like to eat mushy things. They make me gag.
--Will the fact that I hate mushy food become a problem in Uganda?
--I wish I was a natural at Physics.
--I wish I wasn't afraid of heights.
--I'm too dark for henna tattoos.
--I like to be right more than I should.
--I wish business would win over pleasure more often.
--I don't like texting that much, only to a select few. It takes too much work, and my fingers get tired.
--Don't take it personally when I don't text back. I'm just lazy and I feel that it is too much effort to respond.
--I like it--nay, I love it-- when people call me.
--Facebook. Oh Facebook.
--No, seriously. My eyes are throbbing.
--I am pretty darn selfish.
--It was weird seeing you today. Like that. It was hard, but humbling.
--I miss you, my friend. Why did you do that to your family? I am praying for you, my love. My sister.
And now it is time to sign off.
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
oh snap
I keep hearing about the massive religious movement that is being spearheaded by Oprah and another one of her man-slaves, a new guy by the name of Eckhart Tolle (what happened to her gopher Dr. Phil?), but I didn't want to believe it. Not that I like Oprah or anything, it just sucks because she does hold so much influence over so many women these days. Well see for yourself, and make your own opinion.
But always remember 1 John 4:1-5.
Yes, I am having a lots of fun with hyperlinks.
But always remember 1 John 4:1-5.
Yes, I am having a lots of fun with hyperlinks.
Monday, April 07, 2008
SBNAL: Start the Revolution
SBNAL = "Smiling But Not Actually Laughing".
This new acronym is the savior to the ailing overusage of the phrase that we all know as LOL, or "laughing out loud" for those who have been under a rock for the past 8 years. The aforementioned phrase is one that has become so popular that it has crawled out of the acceptable arena of typos that we know as Instant Messaging and has made its way into our common vernacular. This word has become a terror to clueless parents and frazzled English teachers alike, and frankly, it should be stopped.
However, I do not call for complete eradication of the acronym in question from our day-to-day speech; when used in the appropriate context it provides a universal inside joke for the millenial generation. My frustration actually does not lie in the fact that it is overused per se. I am more perplexed by the fact that when one writes--or utters-- "LOL" they more than likely ARE.NOT.LAUGHING.OUT.LOUD.
And just like that, a tiny phrase, a mere initialled word has turned our youth into a generation of LIARS. LIARS, I TELL YOU. This must be stopped. Our children are the future, the hope for tomorrow, and if something as little as a mere phrase is going to corrupt and demoralize the very fiber of what the future has to offer, then God help us, we are screwed.
Oh, the humanity.
I present to you a solution, a remedy to this acronym. SBNAL is a phrase that can be typed with just a little more effort than it takes to write "g2g", and MUCH MUCH less effort than it takes to write "ROTFL" (which is a WHOLE nother issue, because i have yet to perform the described action after reading a humorous comment during an IM chat). More than anything, SBNAL allows the conversationist the freedom of using a few facial muscles to express their amusement instead of buckling under the social pressure of mustering up the strength to generate actual laughter, even if it is for only a warm chuckle. It is effortless, it is moral, and it is true.
Please use the amendment well, for woe is the day that it falls into the category of the annoying or the obsolete, where timed phrases such as "Far out", "Groovy", "As If" and "Psyche" have suffered a very ill fate. I willingly give SBNAL to you. Use it wisely. Tell your friends.
Postscript:
Accolades to a Mr. Cantrell, who actually came up with the acronym.
This new acronym is the savior to the ailing overusage of the phrase that we all know as LOL, or "laughing out loud" for those who have been under a rock for the past 8 years. The aforementioned phrase is one that has become so popular that it has crawled out of the acceptable arena of typos that we know as Instant Messaging and has made its way into our common vernacular. This word has become a terror to clueless parents and frazzled English teachers alike, and frankly, it should be stopped.
However, I do not call for complete eradication of the acronym in question from our day-to-day speech; when used in the appropriate context it provides a universal inside joke for the millenial generation. My frustration actually does not lie in the fact that it is overused per se. I am more perplexed by the fact that when one writes--or utters-- "LOL" they more than likely ARE.NOT.LAUGHING.OUT.LOUD.
And just like that, a tiny phrase, a mere initialled word has turned our youth into a generation of LIARS. LIARS, I TELL YOU. This must be stopped. Our children are the future, the hope for tomorrow, and if something as little as a mere phrase is going to corrupt and demoralize the very fiber of what the future has to offer, then God help us, we are screwed.
Oh, the humanity.
I present to you a solution, a remedy to this acronym. SBNAL is a phrase that can be typed with just a little more effort than it takes to write "g2g", and MUCH MUCH less effort than it takes to write "ROTFL" (which is a WHOLE nother issue, because i have yet to perform the described action after reading a humorous comment during an IM chat). More than anything, SBNAL allows the conversationist the freedom of using a few facial muscles to express their amusement instead of buckling under the social pressure of mustering up the strength to generate actual laughter, even if it is for only a warm chuckle. It is effortless, it is moral, and it is true.
Please use the amendment well, for woe is the day that it falls into the category of the annoying or the obsolete, where timed phrases such as "Far out", "Groovy", "As If" and "Psyche" have suffered a very ill fate. I willingly give SBNAL to you. Use it wisely. Tell your friends.
Postscript:
Accolades to a Mr. Cantrell, who actually came up with the acronym.
Saturday, April 05, 2008
LOL, hahaha, ROTFL, JK
Are all phrases that are overused in everyday IM speak. Please refrain from using them in my presence.
J/K.
I think the only one I don't like is LOL.....because more than likely I'm not laughing out loud. I'm just saying that to keep the conversation going. And you know what? You probably aren't LOL-ing either. So don't write it. OK I'm done.
J/K.
I think the only one I don't like is LOL.....because more than likely I'm not laughing out loud. I'm just saying that to keep the conversation going. And you know what? You probably aren't LOL-ing either. So don't write it. OK I'm done.
Friday, April 04, 2008
Green is the New Black
SO this whole green phase has me really wigging out. Everywhere I look it's reduce carbon emissions this or turn your light off that or make sure you don't throw away that recycle you insensitive freak or don't eat that, baby turtles in the Island of Yap are going to grow an extra toe. It's madness, I tell you. Now, let me clarify, I'm not upset at the cause at all. I actually consider myself to be a conservationist, and I think I will always be. After all, God calls us to be stewards of this beautiful Earth that He has blessed us with. I believe there are certain measures that should be taken in order to maintain this planet we call home.
But I loved the Earth before the hype.
So yes, I'm a little bitter. It bothers me that people are beginning to conserve as a massive effort. I am ecstatic that it is so popular, but I'm kind of worried about when the craze dies down. I mean seriously, the Earth is something that we have to always conserve. You can't just let it go out of fashion....it's pretty much a lifestyle. When people realize that, for the rest of their lives, they are going to have to bring their own bag to the grocery store, or save all of their used office paper/newspaper, or never buy bottled water again, or pump their tire gauges regularly, or keep the thermostat high in the summer and low in the winter.....will they?
They won't.
And that's the REAL Inconvenient Truth.
I do believe that it is a valiant effort by corporations to push conservation, but using a vague motivation such as "global warming" is not going to keep people inspired forever. Once someone says that the Globe don't warm no more, people are going to run out and buy the biggest Hummer they can find. OK that was really pessimistic. Don't worry human race, I still love you. I'm just saying, guys, isn't it a lot easier to hop on the band wagon of mass hysteria than to actually sit down and realize how serious a problem this is? Wouldn't it be better if you do your own research to find out what you can do to take care of our Earth instead of letting every massive media machine feed shallow solutions to you? Behavior modification does not = lifestyle change. Let's get serious about this stuff. If you want to really rock the boat with conservation, just do it. Don't brag about how many trees you saved with one stack of newspaper (btw, a 3-foot stack saves one tree). Instead, just do it. People may not notice it, but hey, that's the price of doing something right.
*Removes soap box from underneath herself and says*
I'll try to keep the rant-y posts to a minimum....I just had to get that off of my chest. I'm good now.
*Don't it always seem to go,
that you don't know what you've got till
it's gone
They paved paradise to put up a parking lot.*
~Joni Mitchell
~
But I loved the Earth before the hype.
So yes, I'm a little bitter. It bothers me that people are beginning to conserve as a massive effort. I am ecstatic that it is so popular, but I'm kind of worried about when the craze dies down. I mean seriously, the Earth is something that we have to always conserve. You can't just let it go out of fashion....it's pretty much a lifestyle. When people realize that, for the rest of their lives, they are going to have to bring their own bag to the grocery store, or save all of their used office paper/newspaper, or never buy bottled water again, or pump their tire gauges regularly, or keep the thermostat high in the summer and low in the winter.....will they?
They won't.
And that's the REAL Inconvenient Truth.
I do believe that it is a valiant effort by corporations to push conservation, but using a vague motivation such as "global warming" is not going to keep people inspired forever. Once someone says that the Globe don't warm no more, people are going to run out and buy the biggest Hummer they can find. OK that was really pessimistic. Don't worry human race, I still love you. I'm just saying, guys, isn't it a lot easier to hop on the band wagon of mass hysteria than to actually sit down and realize how serious a problem this is? Wouldn't it be better if you do your own research to find out what you can do to take care of our Earth instead of letting every massive media machine feed shallow solutions to you? Behavior modification does not = lifestyle change. Let's get serious about this stuff. If you want to really rock the boat with conservation, just do it. Don't brag about how many trees you saved with one stack of newspaper (btw, a 3-foot stack saves one tree). Instead, just do it. People may not notice it, but hey, that's the price of doing something right.
*Removes soap box from underneath herself and says*
I'll try to keep the rant-y posts to a minimum....I just had to get that off of my chest. I'm good now.
*Don't it always seem to go,
that you don't know what you've got till
it's gone
They paved paradise to put up a parking lot.*
~Joni Mitchell
~
Thursday, March 20, 2008
I keep meaning to
blog, but there is always something more lazy that I can be doing.
Spring Break is pretty awesome. I can't believe it is almost over. I have found that is a lot easier to be lazy than to do something productive with my life. I don't really regret being completely slothful, but at the same time I should really study for my upcoming tests. I can't believe that blogging is a leisure activity at school, but it upgrades to a chore at home. Even as I type this I feel like I am sifting through a heavily sanded beach to find the right thoughts to put here. Huh.
On the bright side, I found a check made out to me from two years ago that I have not cashed. I thought I did, but I guess not, and the check is pretty sweet, so I'm not complaining.
Also, DVR is the devil. My sister saved around 5,000 shows for me and Amanda to watch, catch up on, and get addicted to over break. Let me explain to you that I do not watch TV at school. My TV is sitting next to my desk because the effort that it takes to hook up the TV to the wall and to use the nonexistent power button in order to turn on the TV (in other words, I stick a knitting needle in the electrical appliance and hope for the best) is not worth the reward of watching a sometimes-clear picture with only a one-way channel button. It just isn't. So now that I am here at home I find myself watching shows that I would bash on any other day. I'm slipping, but it is a wonderful fall. I told myself that whenever the opportunity presents itself I would read a book from my somewhat-extensive reading list instead of watching TV. Although I have finished one book, the call of TV has won almost every time.
Darn the convenience of the Television Set, and blessings and curses to the Genius whose brainchild is DVR.
I'm going to go find something to do.
~~
Spring Break is pretty awesome. I can't believe it is almost over. I have found that is a lot easier to be lazy than to do something productive with my life. I don't really regret being completely slothful, but at the same time I should really study for my upcoming tests. I can't believe that blogging is a leisure activity at school, but it upgrades to a chore at home. Even as I type this I feel like I am sifting through a heavily sanded beach to find the right thoughts to put here. Huh.
On the bright side, I found a check made out to me from two years ago that I have not cashed. I thought I did, but I guess not, and the check is pretty sweet, so I'm not complaining.
Also, DVR is the devil. My sister saved around 5,000 shows for me and Amanda to watch, catch up on, and get addicted to over break. Let me explain to you that I do not watch TV at school. My TV is sitting next to my desk because the effort that it takes to hook up the TV to the wall and to use the nonexistent power button in order to turn on the TV (in other words, I stick a knitting needle in the electrical appliance and hope for the best) is not worth the reward of watching a sometimes-clear picture with only a one-way channel button. It just isn't. So now that I am here at home I find myself watching shows that I would bash on any other day. I'm slipping, but it is a wonderful fall. I told myself that whenever the opportunity presents itself I would read a book from my somewhat-extensive reading list instead of watching TV. Although I have finished one book, the call of TV has won almost every time.
Darn the convenience of the Television Set, and blessings and curses to the Genius whose brainchild is DVR.
I'm going to go find something to do.
~~
Friday, February 22, 2008
Love, where is your fire?
A special song from a very special friend.... :D
Love, where is your fire?
I've been sitting here smoking away
Making signals with sticks and odd ends and bits
But still there's no sign of a flame
Imposters have been passing
Offering a good-feeling glow
But I'm holding out for what you are about
An inferno that burns to the bone
Some urge me to be temperate
Lukewarm will never do
CHORUS
`Cos I, I wanna blaze with you
So I'm holding my heart out to you
Holding my heart out
So I stand, handing out torches
Speaking words that are lamps to their feet
`Til the time when you come and I'm whole and we are one
And the fire in me is complete
Some tell me to be moderate
But lukewarm will never do
CHORUS
Then a doubt comes to lie at the back of my mind
That I'll offer you me and you'll politely decline
So I hasten to mute it
I'll shout and rebuke it
Away
Love, where is your fire?
I've been sitting here smoking away
Making signals with sticks and odd ends and bits
But still there's no sign of a flame
Imposters have been passing
Offering a good-feeling glow
But I'm holding out for what you are about
An inferno that burns to the bone
Some urge me to be temperate
Lukewarm will never do
CHORUS
`Cos I, I wanna blaze with you
So I'm holding my heart out to you
Holding my heart out
So I stand, handing out torches
Speaking words that are lamps to their feet
`Til the time when you come and I'm whole and we are one
And the fire in me is complete
Some tell me to be moderate
But lukewarm will never do
CHORUS
Then a doubt comes to lie at the back of my mind
That I'll offer you me and you'll politely decline
So I hasten to mute it
I'll shout and rebuke it
Away
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
How many Tech students does it take to read a book?
3: One to open it, one to write a code for it, and one to make fun of the Ivan Allen College for having to actually read the book for credit.
So I was in a non-academic mood at the library, and I decided to peruse through the leisure books that they have at the school. It is really sad, our leisure book section, because it is way up on the 4th floor, and every book smells really old. Which is because every book is really old. I think that they think that we as science/analytical/randomly-minded students would be so busy with our computer-programming and our research and our experiments and theorems and our everything else that we would actually mind reading a book that does not count for a grade or extra credit. I don't know. It is sad, though, because before I came to college I used to read around 25-30 books a school year. Ever since college I've probably read about 15 in the past two years. I'm slipping.
Well I usually hate the smell of old books but today I risked my life and checked out Uncle Tom's Cabin and White Oleander. I originally searched for The Awakening, but I had to go to this extra-special building for it, the Archives building. It was sketchily placed next to the library where you can tell no one comes in--or at least not often--because when I walked in I had to walk down the stairs to the front desk, and the whole time I swear everyone in the ENTIRE building stopped everything and stared, the excitement of actual human contact lighting up their eyes with glee. That is, until they told me I could not take the book out of the building. I told them not to worry about it, and they said OK, and I said have a good day, and they were like OK, and then I just walked out.
Great story.
So then I tried to find Ender's Game, which allegedly was on the 4th floor of the library, but it wasn't, those liars. I stared at the exact section of the shelf where it was supposed to be, but the more I stared the more it just wasn't there. But the cool thing was when I looked through the books and I saw Samantha sitting on the other side of the shelf. It was sort of like a movie, except Sam wasn't a cute guy/the man of my dreams, and I am not some clumsy quirky cutie who stumbles her way into the man's heart through an hour and a half of romantic comedic antics. But it was still nice. Apparently she tried to find the same book a year ago, but to no avail.
I am under the sneaking suspicion that Georgia Tech doesn't want us to read. They want us to crank equations out like there is no tomorrow, but they don't want us to lose ourself between the covers of an old classic. Well I say to heck with that. I will read my books, and I will enjoy them, even if it kills me. Take that, Mr. the Man. Consider this being my way of sticking it to you.
Dear Reader: Please make sure that I actually read these books, and that I don't just keep them on our bookshelf until the last day of school. Please and thank you...
So I was in a non-academic mood at the library, and I decided to peruse through the leisure books that they have at the school. It is really sad, our leisure book section, because it is way up on the 4th floor, and every book smells really old. Which is because every book is really old. I think that they think that we as science/analytical/randomly-minded students would be so busy with our computer-programming and our research and our experiments and theorems and our everything else that we would actually mind reading a book that does not count for a grade or extra credit. I don't know. It is sad, though, because before I came to college I used to read around 25-30 books a school year. Ever since college I've probably read about 15 in the past two years. I'm slipping.
Well I usually hate the smell of old books but today I risked my life and checked out Uncle Tom's Cabin and White Oleander. I originally searched for The Awakening, but I had to go to this extra-special building for it, the Archives building. It was sketchily placed next to the library where you can tell no one comes in--or at least not often--because when I walked in I had to walk down the stairs to the front desk, and the whole time I swear everyone in the ENTIRE building stopped everything and stared, the excitement of actual human contact lighting up their eyes with glee. That is, until they told me I could not take the book out of the building. I told them not to worry about it, and they said OK, and I said have a good day, and they were like OK, and then I just walked out.
Great story.
So then I tried to find Ender's Game, which allegedly was on the 4th floor of the library, but it wasn't, those liars. I stared at the exact section of the shelf where it was supposed to be, but the more I stared the more it just wasn't there. But the cool thing was when I looked through the books and I saw Samantha sitting on the other side of the shelf. It was sort of like a movie, except Sam wasn't a cute guy/the man of my dreams, and I am not some clumsy quirky cutie who stumbles her way into the man's heart through an hour and a half of romantic comedic antics. But it was still nice. Apparently she tried to find the same book a year ago, but to no avail.
I am under the sneaking suspicion that Georgia Tech doesn't want us to read. They want us to crank equations out like there is no tomorrow, but they don't want us to lose ourself between the covers of an old classic. Well I say to heck with that. I will read my books, and I will enjoy them, even if it kills me. Take that, Mr. the Man. Consider this being my way of sticking it to you.
Dear Reader: Please make sure that I actually read these books, and that I don't just keep them on our bookshelf until the last day of school. Please and thank you...
Friday, February 01, 2008
Do you ever feel like you are talking to God through something like a muffled funnel? I guess sometimes it feels like I'm talking and then I realize that I just talked to a brick wall for about 15 minutes. Sometimes I ask God to be near but I realize He never left....I just walked away from Him. I kind of get the scene of a child walking hand in hand with their parent, but then the child sees something enticing, like a toy or a person or something shiny....the child wrenches their hand away from the parent with such intensity that the parent has no choice but to loosen their grip. The parent calls after the child but the child's hearing is impeded by the object of obsession. The child runs to the desired thing and like that the bubble bursts, and the child is left teeter-tottering on a ledge. At the moment's desperation the child has to cry out to the parent. The parent comes to save the child in a heartbeat. The child jumps in the parent's arms, crying because of the near-death experience. The parent's love for their child is one that overshadows the anger for the child's disobedience...this love is one that can not be explained.
I guess that's what I think about when I see God. He is so loving to Us. He doesn't save us from the ledge because He has to. He gave us Jesus because He wanted to be near us. His grace is truly new every morning.
Mind-boggling, isn't it?
I guess that's what I think about when I see God. He is so loving to Us. He doesn't save us from the ledge because He has to. He gave us Jesus because He wanted to be near us. His grace is truly new every morning.
Mind-boggling, isn't it?
Friday, January 25, 2008
Track 2, Scene 2
So I got an mp3 player for Christmas. Nothing spectacular, not an iPod or a Zune or anything, but it holds music. I was at first turned off by the blatant pink color (fyi I don't really like pink things), but after a while it grew on me. I think I remember someone said that having an mp3 player is like having a soundtrack to your life. Or was that the name of facebook group? Irregardless (which is a word), I am going to have to agree with those words of wisdom. Whenever I walk down the street I kind of pretend now like I am in the middle of my own biography, and that somewhere there is a camera that is panning around my head, listening to my thoughts, and then there is a slow zoom out, and then fade into the credits. Seriously. Although it would get kind of awkward when I go to class or something. People might get jealous of my camera crew, please no paparazzi. OK it's late and I have a 9:00. I'll shut up now.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
IC goes bizarre
So I really like the cause Invisible Children and everything it stands for, but I thought their holiday video was a little bizarre. I don't know, the whole marriage between hip-hop elves in super cool hoodies, break-dancing (yes, break-dancing) in front of a TV screen that shows clips of crying children and child soldiers with the random Santa cameo was a bit much. Way to make a grassroots organization go all mainstream....if you can call it that. Hmm....you be the judge.
http://www.invisiblechildren.com/theMovie/media/
http://www.invisiblechildren.com/theMovie/media/
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
"Anemic????"
"What do you mean, anemic?"
The lady avoided my eyes as she handed me several sheets of paper with headings such as "How to get your Iron counts back up!!" and a sticker that said "Be nice to me, I TRIED [in bold] to give blood today!" and a really official letter with the huge DEFERRAL word on it. I was kind of giddy about going to give blood yesterday, too. I know most people like to give it because you save 3 lives with every pint, blah blah blah. I just personally like to watch the blood leave my body. I kind of wish they would take more. But then again, I have always been that weird kid who loves to go to the doctor and who likes shots. Please don't ask me why. So while I was sitting in the waiting area before examination, I kind of had a stuck-up attitude for no apparent reason other than the fact that I have given blood twice before. "Do you want to read this?" The guy next to me asked, extending in his hand towards me the thick pamphlet of Blood-giving FAQs, which posed as not the most appealing piece of literature to read at the time. "No thanks," I sniffed, doing my best Gabor attitude, "This is my third time." With that, I casually pulled out "Wicked" and assumed the position of an experienced philanthropist. I just knew today would be just another day that I saved the world.
10 minutes later I was walking out the door, the only evidence I had to show for my blood fiasco being one Bandaid on each middle finger.
DARN YOU, EVIL PRICK MACHINE. I flick you off with my bandaged appendages.
Anyhoo, the thing that weirded me out the most was that I have given blood before, twice to be exact, and I have never run into this problem. I wanted to know why they didn't want my blood. Naturally, since the answers to all of life can be found on Wikipedia, I went there and typed in "anemia". Scroll, scroll, scroll, etc. etc., apparently tea inhibits iron absorption. Literally the first negative thing that I have heard about tea. Ever. Considering that I have been averaging 2 cups of tea a day for about 6 months now, and lately that's all I have been drinking (other than water) it's kind of weird because now I have to change my ways. I don't want to be anemic. I am kind of treating it like a cold, but I know that I should probably care about it a little more. Oh well. Maybe I'll take the iron pills....apparently they enhance other things other than your iron count. We will see...
Rest in Peace, Patrick Verona.
The lady avoided my eyes as she handed me several sheets of paper with headings such as "How to get your Iron counts back up!!" and a sticker that said "Be nice to me, I TRIED [in bold] to give blood today!" and a really official letter with the huge DEFERRAL word on it. I was kind of giddy about going to give blood yesterday, too. I know most people like to give it because you save 3 lives with every pint, blah blah blah. I just personally like to watch the blood leave my body. I kind of wish they would take more. But then again, I have always been that weird kid who loves to go to the doctor and who likes shots. Please don't ask me why. So while I was sitting in the waiting area before examination, I kind of had a stuck-up attitude for no apparent reason other than the fact that I have given blood twice before. "Do you want to read this?" The guy next to me asked, extending in his hand towards me the thick pamphlet of Blood-giving FAQs, which posed as not the most appealing piece of literature to read at the time. "No thanks," I sniffed, doing my best Gabor attitude, "This is my third time." With that, I casually pulled out "Wicked" and assumed the position of an experienced philanthropist. I just knew today would be just another day that I saved the world.
10 minutes later I was walking out the door, the only evidence I had to show for my blood fiasco being one Bandaid on each middle finger.
DARN YOU, EVIL PRICK MACHINE. I flick you off with my bandaged appendages.
Anyhoo, the thing that weirded me out the most was that I have given blood before, twice to be exact, and I have never run into this problem. I wanted to know why they didn't want my blood. Naturally, since the answers to all of life can be found on Wikipedia, I went there and typed in "anemia". Scroll, scroll, scroll, etc. etc., apparently tea inhibits iron absorption. Literally the first negative thing that I have heard about tea. Ever. Considering that I have been averaging 2 cups of tea a day for about 6 months now, and lately that's all I have been drinking (other than water) it's kind of weird because now I have to change my ways. I don't want to be anemic. I am kind of treating it like a cold, but I know that I should probably care about it a little more. Oh well. Maybe I'll take the iron pills....apparently they enhance other things other than your iron count. We will see...
Rest in Peace, Patrick Verona.
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